As some of you may recall I have a short story that will be coming out in the anthology formerly known as Machine of Death: Volume 2. “Blunt Force Delivered by Spouse” is about love and land and violence and hardship and strength and love and loss and sisters, but most of all it is a story I am very proud of.
As part of the build up for This is How You Die they’re selling hard copies of Volume 1 for insanely cheap prices (and of course you can still read the electronic version for free), they’re producing new MOD machine cards, special releases and all sorts of good things. You can read a full write up on the Machine of Death website, discover more artists who will be part of the project, and see a much larger version of the cover art.
The wall of quotes at Clarion - early days. Photo by Nicole Taylor
During Leonard’s memorial I mentioned the Clarion wall. During Clarion we stuck a bunch of crazy quotes on the wall of our common room. Words from critiques and sometimes just from random conversations. In the center was “Screw being a time traveling researcher, I want to be a writer.”
I’m staying with the marvelous Ed and Nicole and Nicole has saved many of the quotes. Some people took quotes of personal significance away with them at the end of Clarion, but all the others Nicole preserved and put in a gorgeous scrap book. Looking at them makes me laugh out loud, remember, or think what on earth?
In no particular order, here’s the contents of Nicole’s scrapbook, you can imagine or guess who said what.
What is the planet’s motivation?
I think it would annoy me if there were grammar
I’m wearing latex
I don’t expect to be blown
People always say, “Show, Don’t tell.” But of course they don’t mean it.
This noodle salad is my brother
Not the unicorn, it’s the south
Anyone who pelvic thrusts in silhouette during their Land-Rights-Themed Music video, well I’d vote for them
I wont to see more psychological realism from your death ape…
I love your space fish! More than your people
Direction burn
I was hoping for Heart of Darkness and I got maybe Gallbladder of Darkness
You burned my midget saxophone
Kicking Robin might be fun!
Fish-job bro-core
He’s fucked the starship, now where is he?
(Beer Coaster from the Rock Bottom) She looses her purse, Curly hair drops in his lap, Brown Chicken Brown Cow
More peril and more ‘tude!
I’m trying to avoid the fetal elephant in the room
I’ve got this Mjolnir and I’m just bashing everything
You have the right to create your own zombies
It’s like a ham sandwich talking to a duck
Well, originally ‘dead prostitute’ was working for me
Momie’s in my refrigerator
Screw you science bastards
You hit it like a telepathic sex goblin
Eeeergggh, I’m a sad brain
Maybe he’s an asparagus corpse
Kudos for lava
Hot wax on nipples
He’s going into the world as an unskilled dirty old man
I have let down the Picard.
The only think I like as much as zombie space pirates is gender-bending goblin-boning.
Yeah, press that wafer in
If you were a stripper I wouldn’t hire you
I have these secret thoughts which you cannot know… but they’re very intense
Zygote porn
Squirrel ex-machina
“And then I died.” We’ll kill you if you do that.
Tentacle porn with a Harlequin ending
I’m sorry I have to be the first one to talk about you
A snippet of the wall of quotes as it grew to fill the whole space. Thanks again to Nicole for the photo
And he grows a beard of sadness
An asshole is an older, non-sexual douchebag
I thought his job was eating sandwiches
Why do we have Agamemnon’s G-string under the sofa?
Balls-to-the-wall slapstick weird-ass shit
The duck goosed the swan
I don’t need a whole lotta meat
You know… never mind
Seventeen pages of navel-gazing – but this guy’s navel is a crazy rabbit hole
It’s hard to gross me out, but…
Is the dragon dressed as a spider?
There’s got to be this moment, baby… credit cards
I’m not asking you a direct question. It’s a stealth rhetorical question.
A story about a cult that worships aliens, I hope that’s not a metaphor for Clarion!
Leonard Pung died on Monday 3 September 2012 from complications caused by leukemia. My condolences to his friends, colleagues and family. Seeing people from other aspects of Leonard’s life is heartwarming, full of remarkable kith and kin. Clarion has founded a scholarship in his honor.
I met Leonard when we went to Clarion together. Clarion Class of ’09, I love us. We had such a great balance of people, community builders in so many different, complementary ways. Leonard was an important part of our social glue and it’s hard to imagine what Clarion would have been like without him. We have such a great balance of creative voices too, from high fantasy to complex literary to hard SF. Leonard’s work was physical and philosophical, full of memories and the now.
There are stories I wanted him to write that will never happen. I wanted him to write wilderness survival fiction so much, but there was other work his muse needed him to do first. Wilderness fiction helped me feel strong and resilient when I was growing up and I knew he would write it well. He would have given stories of endurance and nature to a new generation. I hope some day I can write fiction of wilderness survival, but it won’t be the same.
In June, seeing communities grieve for people I did not know I wrote “There’s no such thing as no impact.” I’m glad I did, sometimes it takes distance to be able to put together words. And now, when there is less distance, I can look at them.
The day before Leonard died I sent a short story to one of my critique groups. “Shadow Play” starts like this:
Every time the shadow puppets play someone is saying goodbye. Someone is saying please don’t go. Someone is saying, if only, please. Someone is saying I remember when, and laughing.
Every shadow play is a memory.
The day he died I wrote this on facebook:
Pung, I’ll never forget walking in the sun in San Diego and talking. Walking slow as if that would draw Clarion out just a little bit longer, hold that moment, no need to rush. You introduced me to the Sierras. You gave us The Picard. You were kind and funny and thoughtful and worked so damn hard. And you had so many more words in you. And I am lucky that I can say you were, and you are, my friend.
Leonard reading from his short story “Crossroads” in March 2012 at the Los Angeles County Mueseum of Art.
If you have written about Leonard and would like me to add it here for easy reference please let me know. If you would prefer I didn’t link to you please let me know and I’ll remove it.
There is comfort in words, and sometimes pain. Trying to find my own and reading others can be like the monsoon. Words like shadow puppets.
Every time the shadow puppets play someone is saying goodbye. Someone is saying please don’t go. Someone is saying, if only, please. Someone is saying I remember when, and laughing.
Great news! Apex will be publishing my poem Casanova Clay, probably in late 2013. Casanova Clay started as a piece of twitter fiction (lovingly rejected because the story needed to be bigger) and then slowly grew over the years. He got me back into writing poetry. I love Casanova and its nice to know others like him too.
Clarion Write-a-Thon wrap up! Yes it has been some time. Through the power of giving $6.50 (on top of what I donated to other writers) I just managed to meet my target of $400. I don’t know if that’s cheating or not, but I’m so happy to hit that $400 target. That target seemed crazy ambitious, but together we did it. I really appreciate everyone’s support, financial, emotional, by double dog daring me or being amazing and inspiring me to increase my efforts.
And my anonymous donors (oh anony ones, please let me know if you want me to list your names :)
For you I wrote words, made comics, finished a love song and worked on the compost that tasty creative vegetables come from.
There is work still to be done. I challenged folks and accepted mad challenges at the last minute. By the next write a thon I must write a love song to a baked good aaaaand….
In the last few days of the write-a-thon I said that for every new dollar I raised I would draw a Things Without Arms and Without Legs comic. And that’s why I need to draw 111 Things Without Arms and Without Legs comics. I created 19 Things comics during the write-a-thon, so there will be at least 130 Things Without Arms and Without Legs comics in the world.
$111 dollars? $1 a comic? Was I mad? Quite probably, yes. Thank you for keeping the pressure on, it’s a good kind of squeezing.
We are now up to Things comic number 34, hooray! Comic 34 feels more reassuring than 15 of 111!
Today is the last day of the Write-a-thon. I’m thrilled by how this process has given me permission to make a bevy of Things Without Arms and Without Legs, write words, think about process and finish a promise made last year.
Last Days Offer:
If all my pledges come in I am only $50 away from my goal of $400! Yay! So for this last day new sponsorship will guarantee a new Things Without Arms and Without Legs comic. $1 guarantees 1 comic, $50 means I need to create 50 comics! I do like glorious madness, and I adore creating with a sense of service.
I like having separate websites for each project, but I also want to make life easier for people. I haven’t figured out the answer yet. Your thoughts are very welcome.
It has been heart warming to see honest conversations about sexism, harassment and prejudice in story-sharing communities (be it gaming, books, or comics). Sometimes it makes me cry a little. I find it interesting that now that men are talking about it a lot more it has become news, and I find it a huge relief that men are talking about it. It’s nice to see men talking about men’s behavior in a way that makes my humanity feel heard.
So mostly I’ve been watching and listening, pleased with the conversations, and passing on links.
John Scalzi wrote: Who Gets To Be a Geek? Anyone Who Wants to Be. In response to a guy who who wrote for CNN and who’s “not sexist but…” and there have been some great follow up posts. I’m scared of writing down my thoughts. I’m scared that I might be judged negatively, and the guys seem on top of it. But I feel like my words might be useful, and it’s a perspective I have not yet seen in the conversation.
I’m a 6ft tall triple D cup with long hair and a small waist for my height. My face is fairly symmetrical and I smile frequently, which has trained my face to have a pleasant affect.
I love books, comics, games, I don’t remember my first D&D game because I was three, and when I was looking for archetypes to live up to I really wanted to be Tanis Half Elvin, but came to the sad conclusion that I was just Caramon (and because of that I was tanking in real life before the term was invented).
I am friendly, affectionate and have social skills – skills I developed through blood, sweat and tears. Being a tall, assertive girl, who would not bow her head, and with a sense of style stranger than Dr Who, I got bullied a lot. Three times, in two separate schools, people stole items of clothing and mutilated/set fire to them.
If I meet you at a convention for pros or a convention that has a strong stance against bigotry I’m a fairly affectionate person. I am exuberant, I am joyful, we may hug at some point (if you’re a huggy person yourself).
At NewYorkComicCon, or SanDiegoComicCon or conventions with a high degree of sexual objectification – I am still socially capable, but my professionalism is more edged and I am wary of physical contact. I am still friendly, but part of me is reading the room before anything as ‘girly’ as physical contact happens. I wear suits. I like wearing suits to conventions anyway, but at SDCC and the like it becomes protective armor. The armor helps, but stuff still gets through the chinks.
I hope some day I will have enough of a visual brand that people won’t assume I’m a booth babe. I hope some day I can go to SDCC or NYCC or a convention with a lot of cosplaying without my breasts being an issue. Without someone treating me like arm candy or asking me sneeringly if I read comics while at a comics event, or some random thinking that shouting out to me “Nice shape” in a sleazy tone associated “Nice tits” is somehow complimentary. Or feeling like an impostor because people assume I’m the girlfriend of whatever male professional I’m standing next to.
Even at the sleaziest conventions I’ve been to, the majority of people I’ve spent time talking to have been excellent. We’ve had wonderful conversations, witty banter, thought provoking conversations and even consensual non-skeazy conversations about my boobs.
I hate to miss out on those excellent people, BUT the background radiation wears me down. The knowledge that I need to prove my humanity and ‘realness’ repeatedly if I want to participate wears me down. The knowledge that if I was shorter and dressed more generically I would go from the “booth babe” problem to the “just plain invisible” problem, wears me down. It wears me down and my sense of humor is getting shorter and shorter. As I get older I’m rolling with the punches less and it’s hurting more.
One thing I like about Peacock’s misogynistic rant about the evils of ‘fake geek girls‘ is that it shows what a lot of the general misogyny looks like, the land of “I’m not sexist, but”. I’ll got out on a limb and say every bad experience I’ve had convention comes from a little Peacock or a group of Peacocks assuming that I’m not real.
So thanks to everyone who’s doing their bit to shift culture. This ‘fake geek girl’ salutes you.
Added thought after conversations and feedback on twitter
I called Peacock’s actions “I’m not sexist, but,” because by going to great pains to talk about how he knows Felicia Day is ‘real’ he is trying to contextualize himself as clearly ‘not sexist’. Therefore it would be mean to read his thoughts as sexist, because that’s not his intention.
Intentions don’t matter, except that your chances of providing a good apology and becoming a better ally increase. If you feel a need to credential yourself as ‘not sexist’, so that people get you’re ‘not sexist’, chances are you’re doing it wrong. Peacock’s intentions may have been good, but his article and the follow ups I’ve seen from him err more towards protectiveness of his white male privilege. Dude, there are good models on how to recover after you’ve punched people in the face!
And yeah, I don’t care how awesome he has been to kittens or how much we might bond over how fantastic Transmetropolitan is. I care that with an article that starts its thesis with “There is a growing chorus of frustration in the geek community with – and there’s no other way to put this – pretty girls pretending to be geeks for attention.” goes downhill from there, and has in its concluding remarks “However, you “6 of 9s” out there? You’re just gross…and don’t be shocked when they send you XBox Live messages with ASCII penises.”
He is, through his actions, encouraging and normalizing misogynistic actions and attitudes. I do not agree with his argument, and I do not agree with his placement of blame.
Jay Smooth is one of my heroes of thoughtful activism (when we were moving to America he was one of America’s ambassadors of awesome) and his video on How to Tell Someone They Sound Racist is something I return to. And to draw from his examples, it doesn’t matter that you thought you were providing a compliment or it was funny when you yelled at an attractive woman crossing the street. What matters is that woman just had “yargahbargahargah tits” yelled at her from a moving car, again. It doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, it doesn’t matter if she’s ‘real’ or ‘fake’.
And Mr Peacock, if you happen to read this, thanks for dropping by. This video might help you listen. Race and gender are different aspects of human experience, but the heart of how to listen to the criticism you are receiving is the same:
One of my unspoken ambitions of the Write-a-thon was to set up a standing desk and USE IT. It’s working really well, although I should lower the keyboard section another notch. In lieu of pulling out the drill again I have used the problem as an excuse to increase my time on roller skates.
Writing in roller skates is a painful kind of fun and since taking this photo I have got rid of the yoga mat. It was supporting me way too much and I wasn’t working any muscle groups. The slippery linoleum is much more interesting, though boy are my calves and hamstrings tired! Before I let myself post this I had to stand on one foot for 30 seconds a side.
…hmmm, you know what?
NEW CHALLENGE MODE UNLOCKED!!!
It’s time for this write-a-thon to get physical. For the final two weeks, if anyone sponsors me for $20 or more, not only will they get to pick my priorities, they can also ask me to perform that task while on roller skates OR while standing on one leg (I will be allowed to alternate legs as required) OR (if you’re feeling kind) a combination of both… ’cause that’s how I roll.
Furthermore, if I am awesome enough to raise $100 this week and earn myself some tasty tasty books ALL of my sponsors go in the draw to win the book I earn. If we bring enough awesome to the table fast enough we’ll win a first edition copy of one of the following:
The Clarion Awards, edited by Damon Knight (1984) and including stories by Nina Kirirki Hoffman and Lucius Shepard;
Better Than One, by Damon Knight and Kate Wilhelm (1980), inscribed to “Dave” by both Damon and Kate;
The Day The Martians Came, by Frederick Pohl (1988);
Among the Dead, by Ed Bryant (1973);
and What I Didn’t See, by Karen Joy Fowler (2010).
Who doesn’t want a book made out to “Dave”!!!
Hugs, love and building strong ankles
Liz
PS: I just realized I made a pun – that’s how I roll, ROLL! Hilarious! :-)
Wow my sponsors! Getting sponsored is wonderful and humbling and amazing. A quarter of a way towards my goal already! Every time I see a “You’ve got sponsorship” e-mail I feel a thrill of excitement, so many surprises. Big big love. You can see who’s sponsored me at the bottom of my writer page.
Wow other people’s sponsors! It’s been wonderful to poke around at other writer pages and see the lists of sponsors grow. In my mind it’s like a great big party and a family reunion. Sometimes my mind is a bit of an idiot, but sometimes it’s pretty good at celebrating.
Wow other writers! Look at all the cool projects bubbling around. Looking at other people’s pages is definitely one of my favorite ways to procrastinate. Process fascinates me and I kinda get to see snippets people’s process.
I love pledging to other writers… I’ve made a bunch of micro pledges, but I’ve lost track of how many! I need to go through my archives and look at how much I’ve promised… so I know how much I’m up for and can pledge some more!
Big love to the website and big love to pledges
It’s amazing to see how the website has grown and changed from last year
Seeing the donations and pledges really kicks me in the butt and encourages me to keep creating. Most of my $20 sponsors (thanks Dad! ;-)) want me to make with the words and words are coming really slowly and with great difficulty right now. My pledges mean that if I don’t maintain a creative flow Clarion will miss our on money. The juxtaposition of these two forces means that I’m pushing myself in the areas of great difficulty (words) and great joy (those things!). Both things have value and I’m really pleased with how my goals are working out this year.
Right now, thanks to pledges, my units of creative awesome is worth $1.80. I’ve been drawing like a demon all the way down to Portland (Hello Portland!) and knowing that when I clean up the things and upload them to the website they will fulfill $1.80 worth of promises feels quite wonderful.
Words are hard
Impression of the young writer making words and pictures
Which means I must make the time and space for them and respect that time
Finding something I want to explore with art is wonderful
And drawing on an iPad with a stylus is my favorite thing
Clarion West has been going for two weeks and I haven’t made it to any of the readings and social events.
This makes me sad because they’re a great bunch and it’s one of the highlights of the year
But happy too, because right now creating and creating good spaces to create is more important to me than social activity.
So that’s my abuse of bullet points reflections on week 1. I hope you are having fun adventuring in the land of words, or watching other people adventure :-)
So yesterday I wrestled with technology and wrote 150 words on a collaborative universe and collaborative media fairytale (not many words, but edging towards my first priority, a thousand words, a priority that was set by terrific sponsor Shauna Roberts).
It’s been fascinating and terrible looking at all the interesting pages on the write-a-thon. My biggest problem is I want to sponsor so many people and I may have already busted my sponsoring budget, dagnammit to heck!
What? What? It’s the Clarion Write-a-thon already? Didn’t I just do that? Wasn’t I going to write a blog post about what I was going to do before it began? Clearly not.
Anyhow, I am creating for the write-a-thon. I have set myself several juicy challenges and shall report upon my progress with as much regularity as I can muster.
Today was a day of Roller Derby and recovering from yesterday’s Roller Derby. But I wanted to tick the cool box on my writer page that says YES I HAVE WRITTEN TODAY, WORSHIP ME FOR I AM LIKE UNTO A GOD. So started work on the ‘things without arms and without legs’ website – it’s a brand spanking new comic I’ve been creating (I’m drawing it, really and truly). It’s not ready to reveal yet and I wonder if wordpress really was the right choice for a visual project like this, but tis work done and on its way. Two pages of content, telling you a little bit about the things.
I love the things, they are my favorite things of thingness (as opposed to other things, which I’m really fond of too, but these things are particularly thingey).
